Common Terminology

• BDSM – Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.
• SSC – Safe, Sane, and Consensual
• RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink
• PRICK – Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink
• CCCC – Caring, Communication, Consent, and Caution
• Scene – Both the BDSM Community as a whole and a play interaction.
• “Thud” – Sensation produced when struck with broad/heavy/soft toys – e.g .floggers, big paddles.
• “Sting” – Sensation produced when struck with thin/light/hard toys – e.g. cane or single tail.
• Dungeon – a (public or private) play space.
• DM (Dungeon Monitor) – Public playspace lifeguard.
• Squick – Something that viscerally turns you off. The sound of your parents fucking on the kitchen table.
• BBW – Big Beautiful Woman
• Sub Frenzy – The desire to try everything when one is new to the scene. Go to all the munches, classes, parties, dungeons. Meet all the people. Play with many of them. Try all the things. Read more about sub-frenzy.
• Subspace – An altered state often resulting from endorphins released through sensation/impact play.
• Sub Drop/Top Drop – Temporary depression sometimes experienced (hours or days) after intense play.
• ABDL - Adult Baby/Diaper Lover
• CBT - Cock and Ball Torture - Not to be confused with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or Computer Based Training!
• CNC - Consensual Non-Consent - A negotiated meta consent. Rape play is an example of CNC.
  Not recommended for beginners! Not to be confused with Computer Numerical Control.
• NRE - New Relationship Energy.
• NSA - No Strings Attached - A casual (usually sexual) relationship or one-night-stand.

Safeword – a word or phrase used to pause or stop play.

• Stop!/No! - If you’re a beginner (or playing with a beginner), keep it simple, no means no, stop means stop.
• Safeword!/Red! – Stop now! Something is seriously wrong. DMs/bystanders requested to help.
• Yellow/Mercy – I can’t take much more, need a break, please check in.
• Green – I’m having a good time, please continue!
• Beige – I’m so bored I’m thinking about what color to paint the ceiling.

Roles:

• Top/Bottom – Enjoy physical play (bondage, flogging, whipping, etc.)
• Sadist/Masochist – Enjoy inflicting/receiving pain (intense physical sensation).
• Dom/Sub – Enjoy mental power exchange (following orders, serving, etc.)
• Master/Slave – Enjoy long term owner/property relationship.
• Daddy/babygirl – Enjoy power exchange that is based on play and growth.
• Switch – Enjoy roles on both sides of the slash with same or different partners.
• Brat/Uppity Bottom/SAM (Smart-Assed Masochist) – A bottom that enjoys struggling against control.
• Vanilla – Anything (or anyone) that isn’t kinky. The rest of your life (family, job, school, …).
• Service Top/Bottom – Enjoys topping/bottoming for the benefit of their partner rather than themselves.
• "Fluffy" ... – Light play.
• Service Sub – Likes serving their Dom(mme).
• little - Enjoy regressing to a younger age.
• Trainer/Pony (or Puppy, or ...) - Enjoy animal role play, often involving elaborate gear.

Bondage Toys:

• Rope – Typically 1/4 to 5/8 inch diameter. Nylon, cotton or hemp. Recommended lengths: 15’, 25’, 50’
• Belt – Can be used to tie wrists/ankles (may require extra holes).
• Cuffs – Handcuffs (note that they are designed to be painful if you struggle).
  Leather/fur cuffs are much more comfortable, still quick to put on/take off.
• Spreader bar – Used with rope or cuffs to keep ankles or wrists apart.
• St Andrews cross – an X shaped cross with bondage points at the four ends.

less common...

• Arm Binder - A device (typically leather) to pull the arms together (usually) behind the back.
• Strait Jacket - Usually opens in the back, has straps through the crotch, and closed-end sleeves that wrap around the torso and buckle.

Sensation Toys:

• Fingers/finger nails/hands – stroke, rub, scratch or pinch, massage, kneed, spank!
• Teeth – I’m not biting you, I’m hugging you with my teeth. Nape of the neck is a sweet spot.
• Blindfold – Heightens other senses.
• Gag – (cloth, ball, ring or bit with a strap around the back of the head) – Restricts speech.
• Clothes pins, nipple clamps – Pinch and constrict. May hurt more when removed.
• Feather/fur – light/tickling sensation.
• Wartenberg wheel – pinwheel with a handle – touches one small spot at a time.
• Violet wand – Produces high-voltage/low current electric shock safe for most areas of the body.

Impact Toys:

• Cane – Any thin rod (metal, wood, bamboo, plastic, …)
• Paddle – A wide flat surface with a handle (wood, metal, plastic, …)
• Flogger – a whip typically consisting of 1-4 dozen thin loose leather strips tied to a handle
• Single-tail – a whip braided to a single tip, often with a nylon string “cracker” at the tip.

This page is intended for the South San Francisco Bay Area. If you don't live here, your local terminology and customs may differ.
The core of this content was originally created for smOdyssey member orientation.
Comments, corrections, questions? Send them to @SteveV on Fetlife.